She wishes

I thought I'd written something about not being able to trust much nowadays, including, or especially, what you see and read on the Net, but I couldn't find it. However . . .

Case in point. This photo popped up on the Net shortly after Sarah Palin hit the headlines. Obviously there's just something a little suspicious about it, not the least of which is that to the casual observer, as wealthy, powerful, and energetic as she may be, that does not look like the body of a 40 something mother of . . how many? One of which is only a few months old.

She wishes.

Of course, it didn't take those heroes of truth and justice on the Net to track down the original offending photo. How do they do that? Google "American bikini"?

Apparently it's a BB gun, not a real rifle.

I knew those pictures of Laura Bush naked were fake!

Stooopid

Another lowlife moron has held up a TAB in South Auckland. The cops will have him in a few hours. Which is not to say as much about the ability of the police, as it is about the sheer stupidity of the moron in question.

How many times have you heard about some violent crime and the police are onto the perps within hours. How stupid are these criminals? Do they not have a plan?

"Ah, yeah. Let's do a TAB."
"Then what?"
"We can figure that out later."

In broader terms I've often wondered, too, how some idiot can go on a shooting rampage for several hours and manage only to kill four people and injure three more. We should be thankful that the person in question is so incompetent, but I still wonder. Is it testimony to the intelligence of those being shot at (and their survival instinct), or is it really just an indication of how useless the shooter is?

Every day in the news some other lowlife robs a dairy, shoots a liquor store owner, or beats up an asian immigrant in the middle of town. Within hours, they're in police custody.

I think stupidity should be a crime added to their list of charges.

If you're going to rob a dairy don't you think you should have a plan for what to do afterward? I wonder how many thieves have been caught, an hour later, at home eating the potato chips, and drunk on the booze they stole.

GOP

Is it just me, or is it possible Sarah Palin learned everything she knows about acting like a VP from watching Air Force One. There just seems to be a vague similarity between Palin and Glenn Close's character.

Don't get me wrong. I'm starting to like Palin. And I've always like McCain. But I hate the look of celebrity about the whole process. I hate the parading of cute and pretty children (even if pregnant), of patriotic sons who are off to Iraq, and of the all-American (can you be all-American in Snow-mobiling? I'm sure you can) Vogue-modelesque husband.

I liked the spectacle that was her RNC speech, but I would much prefer to be a fly on the wall of her home for a week. See what really happens. And I would haved LOVED to have been there for the pregnancy announcement.

Anyway, if Rudy Guiliani thinks she's okay, she must be. And she is a hottie.

Ah McCain, you've done it . . .

I think the American Presidential race just got a whole lot more interesting. If that were possible.

It has to be said. America is not ready for a black President. I don't think they are ready for a female President, hence Hillary's defeat. Obama is black, but at least he's male.

So McCain, a frail old white man - but a man - shoots himself in the foot by running with a female. And a dodgy female at that. Thereby alienating all those who breathed a sigh of relief when Obama got the nod.

John Key momentarily compared himself to Barak Obama. Now he can compare himself to McCain, in the sense that the only way he can lose the election is that if he does something so stupid as to convince voters he's not up to the job.

The first thing Key did along that path was to side with Labour on the anti-smacking bill. Has McCain started along that path by putting woman a heart-beat from the Oval Office? I'm sure they've done the numbers, but already Palin's family life and legal problems are overshadowing her nomination.

Perhaps that will send a number of voters - enough? - back to what they know best, two males at the helm. Even of one of them is black.

For the record, though, I still think McCain will win. But it will be close. Closer than it was going to be before Palin's appointment.

New Zealand Book Month

Apparently it's New Zealand Book Month. Yay. Not that I'd heard much, or anything about it. Maybe I run in the wrong circles. Actually, I don't really have a circle in which I run, except the one where I'm chasing my tail. Figuratively speaking, of course.

Anyway, the one real circle I might run in, my writer's group, hasn't mentioned it either, so I'm assuming they didn't know about it. We're relatively rounded people. We all have jobs, and friends, and social lives. I listen to the radio all day. I spend 46 hours a day on the Internet. Haven't heard anything specific about it. No emails about it.

I found out about it while reading a blog. Which is fine. At least I got to hear about it.

To be fair, it's one of those things that just hangs in the back of my mind. I saw the Writer's Festival booklet, and I think I knew that was part of Book Month. I remembered that there is such a thing as Book Month, and if I had a gun to my head I would have guessed it was "coming up soon, I think?"

Maybe I would have been spared.

I went into Whitcoulls yesterday. Nothing about NZBM. You'd think they would have a display or something. I see Paul Cleave has a new book out. He's rollin' a book out every few weeks it seems. I still haven't read a whole one. I started The Cleaner (I think that was it), but as is so often the case, I didn't finish it before I had to get it back to the library. I hate to say that I just couldn't get into it, but okay, I just couldn't get into it. Something about the first person present that I just couldn't read for long.

I am however, going to actually buy Cemetary Lake, partly to support NZ writing, and partly so I don't have to return it. I'm not sure if it's FPP.

Anyway, I didn't see PC's book at Whitcoulls, I saw it a few days ago at The Warehouse. If that doesn't say something about NZ writing, the pathetic exhibition of NZ writing at Whitcoulls does. At Riccarton, it's tucked around the corner from the magazines, behind - yes, BEHIND - the newspapers. I wonder if Border's has any recognition of NZ writers. Will have a look today.

I have a theory about why NZ writing is so poorly supported by the book shops.

There are some interesting blogs an the NZBM page.

"put your seatbelt on I want to try something . . .

. . . I saw it in a cartoon but I'm pretty sure I can do it."

What did we do before the internet? OMG. Is there anything that has infiltrated our lives as much as the internet?

Jackie had Desperately Seeking Susan on the telly (I wasn't interested, I swear). Apart from the butler in Mr. Deeds, guess who else was in the movie? My favourite comedian ever. Steven Wright. He's popped up from time to tie in something I've been watching, but nothing as out there as Desperately Seeking Susan.

So, of course, I thought I'd see if he has anything on YouTube. Duh. Every man and his dog has something on YouTube. My friend's son has a cool backwards movie on YouTube.

And there he was. Dozens of Steven Wright videos. Hilarious.

And check out how Letterman looks in 1990.

Yawn

When did uncovered, wide mouthed YAWNS become acceptible. It's something I've noticed for ages, but it has really only dawned on me lately. Didn't good manners dictate covering up?

I know "good manners" is basically an outdated concept, but it's not always - in fact, it's more commonly the opposite - the ones I would expect to have abandoned such courtesies. It's not kids and oafs. Often, and most recently, it's middle-aged women. Forties. Fifties.

Has women's lib come so far that it's now okay to shrug off even the minutiae of those old standards. Covering your mouth while yawning? What for?

And it's not as if it's in the comfortable privacy of their own home. It's in the street. YAWN! Gee, thanks for that. By the way you have a cavity way in the back there. And your breath could use some work.

I think it's rude. Am I a fuddy duddy?

the evolution of publishing

I thought, write a good book, send it off to the publisher in the Yellow Pages with the catchiest ad, wait a week or two for the phone call. Wait another week or two for a big fat cheque. Another week and the book hits the shelves, and another week or two for the royalty cheques to start rolling in, and finally that which all authors crave. The bigger, fatter cheque and the commission for five more books.

Easy.

Imagine my surprise that apparently it doesn't quite work that way. At least, not in the real world. Maybe it works that way for Paul Sheldon, but it seems very few authors have such an easy road.

Imagine my disappointment, too, then as it slowly became clear that:

even if your pitch to the publisher/agent gets read (highly unlikely) the chances are pretty high it will still go straight into the trash (electronic or actual);

even if the eighteenth publisher/agent to read your query is vaguley interested in your novel, the query will probably still go in the trash;

even if they are interested enough to actually contact you about your novel, it's highly unlikely they will actually be interested in your novel once they look at it;

even if they are interested enough to read the whole thing, the chances of it getting read and printed and marketed are pretty slim;

even if it gets read and printed and marketed (most of which you have to do yourself) the chances of getting big fat cheques are practically nil (17% of the shelf price is optimistic), and it's TWO YEARS between that first query and a launch;

and don't hold your breath on getting the bigger fatter cheques, or the commission.

So tell me again, why do we do it?

"We encourage a practice of compliance and for people in that situation just to get the offender out of the shop as soon as possible without any damage to anyone."

This stupid piece of advice, from the NZ Police concerning a Christchurch dairy owner who was robbed at knifepoint, is apparently the best help they can offer. Instead of serving and protecting the community, their philosophy is to give the criminal what he wants. What if the criminal wants to kill you? Do you simply let him?

Oh, but they might prosecute the dairy owner. They have plenty of resources and systems in place to do that. They're well equipped to hound the innocent party to sleepless nights and financial ruin. They have plenty of time to build a case against the victim.

I wonder if they've caught the scumbags. Are they even looking? Or are they too busy prosecuting the good guy?

Long before Navtej Singh was murdered I strongly believed we should have the right to use whatever means necessary and available to protect your property and family. If someone is threatening you in your home you should have the right to beat them with a cricket bat or shoot them with a gun. End of story.

Criminals have guns. We should be allowed to have guns to protect ourselves from them. 91% of people in this poll appear to agree

The police would prefer dairy owners get their throats cut than protect their property and families by shooting would-be murderers.

Let them cut your throat; let them rape your wife; let them torture your children. But god forbid you should own an air pistol.

Damn


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