Lynx not "shocking" at all

I don’t mind some advertising. Unfortunately, the good ads are usually surrounded by the cheaply thrown together, poorly scripted and appallingly executed promotions that are only a smidgeon short of insulting.

When it comes to products, I will generally go with the one that is the best colour.

I was in the shower the other day (TMI Warning!!), feeling pretty sluggish. Another long day ahead. I could do with a pick-me-up. Given Geri Halliwell didn’t magically appear to provide one, it was incredibly fortunate that on hand was a crisp, clear bottle of blue Lynx “Shock” Refreshing Shower Gel.Apparently it’s made with glacier water and deep sea mint. My god. It MUST be good for me. And the best part? It will “really” revive me.

Great. Just the ticket.

So I smear liberal amounts of the blue gunge with the small gritty bits in it (presumably the sea mint). Mmmm . . feels . . . well, like any other shower gel actually. Smells . . . yep, like any other shower gel.

I felt aggrieved. Where’s the SHOCK? The revival? When, Lynx people, does the “bringing me back to life” kick in? Perhaps I’m not doing it right. Perhaps the bringing back to life requires a whole new method of utilisation of this shower gel.

So I take a long deep swig of the stuff. Perhaps it needs to work from the inside out.

Nope. Gag. Definitely not something to be taken internally.

Apparently all the “revival” and “bringing back to life” Lynx “Shock” is going to give me, I have already experienced.

What a let down.

Now my observation is this. How STOOPID do these marketing people think I am? Their arrogance borders on a condescension Jane Austen could write a book about. Do they think I am a MORON? (I didn’t really take a swig of it, and I certainly didn’t expect to feel “revived.”)

“Shock”? “Really revives you”? “Brings you back to life”?

This is not true. It’s a lie. It’s not even feasible. I’m sure a team of lawyers have guaranteed it does not contravene the Consumer guarantees Act, but that doesn’t touch the simple academics of the arrogance behind the whole concept. The marketing people assume we’re idiots and that the possibility of pretty blue gunge spread over your body making you feel better will somehow induce you to buy their product.

I wish this were an isolated incident.

I’ve seen it a million times, but what really struck it home to me recently was this:


Are they kidding me? Interactive? The mammoth’s head moves three millimetres side to side. That’s what they call “interactive”?

“Interactive” generally gives the impression that it’s educational and therefore beneficial to a child’s development. Hello! It’s head moves three millimetres. How can that possibly qualify as “interactive”?

These things are dumbing down at its worst. If marketing people think that even one person will buy these products because they believe these outrageous claims, they are seriously undermining the entire Western civilisation. Perhaps they believe that if they spout enough of this shite, we as a public we will start to slowly believe it a culture of stupidity will be slowly created.

Sadly, they may be correct.