Monday, December 19, 2011

"How can this be?"

The platform from which to launch any argument about the St. Matthew-in-the-City church billboard must surely be the Scriptures. Of course, being Catholics, many of the protesters may never have actually read a Bible.

According to Scripture, Mary was surprised by the news she was with child. "Excuse me, Gabriel? I'm what?"

So how far fetched is it to imagine she would take a pregnancy test just to get it clear in her mind and think O.M.G. It's true! (using whatever techniques they used in BC times to test for pregnancy. Now that bears some interesting speculation).

No one has a more skewed view of the Bible, and especially Mary the mother of Jesus, than the Catholics. Add to that retardedness a stern, fundamental hatred of anything funny, anything "progressive", and especially anything thought provoking - God knows the "Catholics" were opposed to thinking for nearly two thousand years - and you get a very odd kind of person.

Enter Arthur Skinner, wannabe Santa Clause and self-confessed vandal, and his team of chanting busybodies. He believes in being persecuted for his faith. Fair enough. But doesn't he embody the ignorance that pervades the same spirit that sees abortion clinics torched and riots in the street over a few cartoons? Witness the drunk guy at the end of the clip on Stuff basically condoning jihad as "an act of faith". Duh!

Now, I know the Catholics have a loooong history of religious revisionism, and in a library of whack ideas, the deification of Mary is probably near the top of the whack ideas list. I guess the vision of Mary making the two-backed beast with Joseph was just too much for some sensibilities, despite the clear evidence (if you take the Bible as true - but hardly anybody does that any more) that they did do it, and went on to have more children. Of course, the only way to perpetuate the perpetual virginity of Mary is to bury your head in communion bread. It's a tenuous walk being a Catholic at the best of times, but anything to do with Mary is not sacred, but shaky ground indeed.

It's easy in our modern mind to imagine the conversation and the tension in the Joseph and Mary house that night. Gabriel had visited Mary to tell her she was pregnant and she's like WHAT??? and he's like YES, but it's okay God is the father and everything will be just fine. But Joseph is all up in that thing cause he was looking forward to a bit of honeymoon nookie but discovered his new wife was already knocked up and he's like WHAT???? and she's like crying and all sorry and trying to explain about the visit from Gabriel and Joseph is like WHO??? and she's like no I'm not sleeping with Gabriel, I'm going to have God's baby but Joseph isn't buying any of that and he's already thinking about how he can get rid of this chick without losing face. NEK MINNIT an angel (probably Gabriel again) is talking to him in a dream saying DUDE!!! Chill! It's true, and Joseph wakes up thinking HUH?? So, no rumpy pumpy for nine months??? Geez it's a hard road being the step-father of God!

Or something like that.

Fast forward to 2011 when the Catholics can no longer behead, castrate, or imprison people for blasphemy (but apparently they can still sexually abuse little children, so there are still some benefits for priests) and the level-headed, God-fearing tolerant Anglicans are having their annual dig at the Catholics with a naughtily blasphemous billboard. And the angry mob rose to the occasion, winning yet another victory for illegal behaviour and moral ineptitude. I'm sure they wish they could string up Vicar Glynn Cardy, poke toothpicks into his testicles and put the video up on YouTube as a warning to other blasphemers (I can never say that word without hearing it in John Clease's voice) not to fuck with Mary.

But we live in much more tolerant times. Religious opposition is limited to the odd act of vandalism, an angry march here or there, or the slightly more extreme act of blowing yourself up in a crowded market-place hoping to slaughter and maim as many innocent people as you can in the process.

I'm glad we live in more enlightened times.

1 comment:

Tracey Edwardes said...

Wickedly entertaining. You should be a script writer for South Park. Alas, I can't share this link...Eddie's rosary beads are hanging precariously noose-like above the four-poster 0-: