"I Don't Get People"

"I don't get people."

Who's not said something like that? In these instances, "people" usually means someone specific who either for an isolated moment in time, or long-term represents a subset of the population in general.

A lot of people don't "get people." I suppose it's just a reflection of how different we each can be; how vague the rules can be that govern human interactions and relationships. I also find it fascinating how those interactions are now being translated from the IRL world to the online world of social media. It's seems there are similarities between the "people" I don't "get" online and IRL (maybe another blog subject).


I've been thinking about it for a long time; most of my life. Perhaps I can sum it up by saying undoubtedly we all share the same planet - doesn't it behoove us to simply get along? And by that I mean at the very least acknowledge each others value as a human being with whom we share a common environment. Which doesn't mean we should all be BFFs (but that would be okay, too). So I don't understand how some "people" are.

For me, the most obvious disconnect became apparent in the last couple of years while walking Josh to school every morning. There were "people" I saw in the street every day who sometimes acknowledged me, and sometimes chose not to.

I'm the kind of person who enjoys little connections with other people, no matter who they are. I'm a bit stand-off-ish when it comes to meaningful interaction, but I tend to try and make eye-contact with everyone. I'm not the kind of person who will walk up to you in the mall if I know you have not seen me. But if I'm walking towards someone on the street, I will attempt to make eye-contact (hopefully in a non-creepy way) with anyone, but especially with those people I am acquainted with.

So it bothered me when some "people" - parents with whom I had had some interaction on the basis that our children were either in the same class, or at the very least went to the same school - not only did not acknowledge me when walking to and from school, but actively ignored me.

You know those "people", right? The one's who are obviously trying very hard not to acknowledge you. Expending more energy averting their eyes, looking downwards or away, or staring right through/past you than it would take to simply smile and keep on walking.

The simple and obvious conclusion is that, for whatever reason, they don't like me and would prefer not to interact in any way. Which is fine, I guess. But I don't "get" it. Especially when I have, to my best knowledge, not done anything specific to cause the dislike. I know some "people" are just not likeable. I must be one of them (to some people, anyway).

I've had at least three really weird interactions with "people" recently. The most recent was at the mall. Among the thousands of strangers isolated in their own little worlds I saw someone whose face was familiar, and who I quickly recognised. We're not BFFs for sure; we're not any kind of friend. We shared a significant event for one day recently. We're "people" whom I would reasonably imagine should at least acknowledge each other, if not even say hi. 

Our eyes met through a crowd (cue soft music); there was that instant sense of mutual recognition (you know when someone has recognised you, don't you?); and a split second when we should have smiled and acknowledged each other; but all too quickly, she looked down her nose at me and turned away, expending that all-important energy making sure she resisted the urge to look back up again.

So I continued on my way.

I wasn't going to talk to her. I wasn't going to run towards her with arms outstretched to hug her. I wasn't going to monopolise her time with boring stories of my life and struggles. I was simply going to acknowledge that she was a human being that I was acquainted with, that she was someone who deserved a few seconds of my time and energy. At least, I thought she was.

And I wondered. Why would she prefer to do what she did than to simply smile and acknowledge me? As far as I know I've done nothing to insult her. Nothing to offend her. Nothing to warrant her tacit suggestion I am unworthy of her brief countenance. That I know of. Perhaps I have inadvertently done any of the above. I'll probably never know, and will have to leave that possibility open. But I didn't get her reaction.

I won't bore you with other recent "people" stories. Suffice it to say that with different dynamics to the above, those interactions, too, fall into the "I don't get people" category and made me think WTF? And had they not significantly changed my life and the way I think about things - and myself - I probably wouldn't be too bothered. They would be just one more in a lifelong series of events/interactions that leave me scratching my head.

At it's most basic, I think such behaviour is rudeness and ignorance of the most ruthless kind. It smacks of a superiority that astounds me. I can begin to understand why strangers would not engage. I think that's how we're evolving. We are becoming more isolated, guarded, and defensive. I do wish, tho, that more people would engage as strangers who have nothing more in common than being on the same street or in the same mall. But clearly that's too much to ask of much of humanity. I cannot fathom, though, why someone with whom I have had some kind of interaction and connection in the past, even if fleeting and unremarkable - but worse in the wake of significant interaction - would chose to actively ignore me. That's just rude.

Have you had "I don't get people" experiences lately?